Carnival, can you please grow a pair?!

It has been quite awhile since I have posted a blog.  Well over a month, actually.  I had planned on writing about my incessant road rage and then another blog on my review of my last cruise.  I think that I will skip the road rage blog and keep that locked away for a rainy day.

The interior promenade on the Carnival Inspiration

It is so hard to believe that summer is over and I am already 3 days in to the new school year.  I was hoping to remain positive, upbeat, and happy, but, as always, those feelings disappeared after about an hour of being back.  Not because I do not like my job, as I enjoy it very much.  I just know that with each new school year, a whole mess of new problems arise.  I am hoping to make the best out of this school year.  It seems like I have gotten off topic here, and in a way I have, but I haven't told you how I plan on making the best out of this school year.  Cruises.  Lots and lots of cruises.

The coffee bar on the Carnival Inspiration

Earlier this year, I was fortunate to work for a tutoring company that paid 25 dollars an hour and essentially worked me 30-40 hours a week.  That job is no more, but I was able to plan my school year with as many cruises as I could fit in.   So, over the next few months, I booked a total of 7.  I finally decided it was time to move away from the cruises out of Long Beach/Los Angeles and try a few new destinations.  Of course, I do still have a few Mexican Riviera cruises planned, but those are just quick weekend getaways.  My longer trips will be taking me to the Caribbean via Grand Turk, Nassau, and Ocho Rios; Canada via Boston, Portland, New Brunswick, and Nova Scotia; and Alaska via Skagway, Juneau, and Ketchikan.  And, most of these trips will coincide with my breaks from school.

The first cruise I booked, a 4-day to Catalina and Ensenada, took place last week.  I was actually a little apprehensive about this cruise, I will admit.  We sailed on the Carnival Inspiration, and after seeing some of the photographs, it truly reminded me of the Wal-Mart of the cruise line industry.  It looked like bad taste vomited all over the insides.  However, I was pleasantly surprised!  The ship had just undergone a recent dry dock and renovation, making it look, for the most part, new and clean.

The Carnival Inspiration in Catalina

The staff, as always, were very friendly and incredibly accommodating.  The food was fantastic, the alcohol expensive.  The ship never felt crowded, and there were always places to go to find a nice place to sit in the sun or in the shade.  All in all, it was an incredibly enjoyable and relaxing vacation.  Catalina Island was absolutely beautiful, and by far one of my all-time favorite ports.  We rented a golf cart and took a one-hour scenic drive around the city of Avalon.  The views were beautiful!  The island, which is part of California, had all the amenities a person could dream of!

The city of Avalon (Catalina Island)

However, with every good, there is always a bad.  For the first time ever, I was actually annoyed with Carnival during a few moments of the vacation.  It really had nothing to do with the normal things people complain about (lines to board, amount of time it takes to debark, chair hogs, etc).  In fact, we were first to board, debarked in less than 15 minutes, and always found a place to relax.  What irked me was the fact that Carnival is getting way to lax on enforcing their own rules.  Nothing annoys me more than a company who creates rules and then does not have the balls to enforce them.  I noticed this at least twice on this 4-day cruise.

The first instance was children in the hot tub.  It is very simple: children are not allowed in.  After we had lunch, we notice that an entire hot tub was overflowing with children.  I literally mean that there were 30 kids in this hot tub in various stages of soaking.  Some were all the way in, some were half way out, some were just dangling their big toes.  It was a little ridiculous.  A security guard came up and told them they had to get out (Go Carnival!).  About 5 minutes later, all the kids were out.  5 minutes after that, all the kids were back in.  What did the security guard do?  Just stood there and never again said anything to them!  Why did you even go up to them in the first place, then?  Grow some balls and throw them out of the damn hot tub!

Another instance was the line to debark the ship.  Now, again, I had no problems getting off and it went, for the most part, very smoothly.  However, I was still incredibly irritated by Carnival's lack of enforcing their policies!  When you self-assist your luggage (that means you, personally, take your luggage off), you get to leave the ship first.  They do this by decks.  Our cabin was on deck 7.  Also on deck 7 is the gangway to leave the ship.  The night before, Carnival puts these nifty little notes in your cabin telling you when you can debark the ship and the decks that go first, etc.  Deck 7 (us) were the first to leave.  So, as we line up to get off, what do we see?  People from decks 3, 4, 5, and 6 in line waiting to get off.  Now, keep in mind, it is not that serious if they were to wait patiently in line.  But, that was not how it worked.  People came up the stairwells and cut everyone in line, rudely pushed people out of the way, and ran over people's feet with their luggage.  All so they could get off the ship first.  And, what did Carnival do?  Absolutely nothing!  The commotion and bottlenecks these people created would have made for one hell of a horrible accident if something had gone wrong.  The fact that Carnival allowed them to join the line, instead of saying "your deck wasn't called, get back to your rooms," was annoying.  Despite the fact we all got off the ship quickly, it annoyed me that people who are rude when it comes to following rules.  But then again, why follow rules when the company doesn't even try to enforce them?

I still had an amazing time.  I don't think there will ever be a time where I do not enjoy myself.  As everyone knows, cruising is my way of vacationing and one of the only ways I can truly relax.  I have plans to go on the Inspiration two more times this year, for 3-day cruises.  And, even though I probably won't write a review on it, I am sure I will have a blast!

Chick-fil-Hate

When I was younger, I had always wanted to go eat at Chick-fil-A.  Actually, that isn't entirely true.  Up until a few years ago, I had never even heard of the company.  But, when I went to visit a dear friend in Arizona, she introduced me to the over-priced chicken restaurant.  I actually liked their food and secretly hoped that one day they would open up a location in Las Vegas.  Then, I could stay far away from KFC and El Pollo Loco (powdered potatoes, greasy chicken, and flame-burnt food never really excited me).  With the events that have happened with the company, lately, I naturally have reconsidered my thoughts.

I fully believe that everyone has a right to say what they want.  My issue really isn't about the fact that the owner of the company doesn't believe in, or support, gay marriage.  I mean, the company is owned by religious people.  What do people expect?  With a restaurant that is deeply based in religious principles, it is not unheard of to think that the owner of the company would have this belief.  The issue that I have is the fact he chose to vocalize it.  A company has one goal: to make money.  A company has no business involving themselves in a huge debate where they are going to alienate millions of potential customers.  I don't even own a business and I know that vocalizing beliefs that go against other people's beliefs is a stupid idea.  Your goal is to make money, not...well, not make money.  Aside from not supporting gay marriage, he also vocalized the fact that he donates money to anti-gay groups.  I mean, really?  You take your profits from your stores, and turn around and donate that money to groups who actively search for ways to "destroy" a population.  So, in a way, if you generalize what has been going on with the company - customers are unknowingly donating money to fund groups that want to deny rights to human beings.  A simplified generalization, of course, but in theory, that is what is happening.

Now the furor that is going on over this has become a little annoying.  I see so many posts on Facebook and read a lot of news articles, and I wish this whole thing would just blow over.  But, just when you think it is going to, the owner of Chick-fil-A says something else, and boom!  Back in the news it goes.  After realizing that he made a stupid mistake by vocalizing his beliefs and alienating his customers, he tried to backtrack and say that he and his company were getting out of the debate.  Don't you think it is a little too late for that?!  I mean, I may not agree with what you say, and I clearly do not agree with what you do, but be a freaking man and stick by what you say.  Not only do you come off as an asshole with what you say, but you now have the nerve to not even stand by what you said?  What a complete idiot!

I have never really been one for boycotting places.  Mostly because I am a huge fatty and love food too much.  The fact that there isn't a Chick-fil-A in Las Vegas; however, makes it incredibly easy to boycott them.  So yeah, boycott successful on my part!  Again, I jest.  But really, in all fairness, why would anyone support an establishment that wants to treat human beings like they are less than human beings?  Despite religious beliefs, treating people who are different with intolerance and then citing religion to back up that intolerance is wrong.  However, the religious fanatics cite scriptures to support their beliefs.  Fine, do whatever you want, but realize that is also says in scripture that you should not judge other people.  I am just saying, don't hide behind religion if you are committing your own sins in the process.  That makes you a hypocrite.

It seems that recently my blogs have been a bit political in nature, so to keep going with that theme: Sarah Palin supports Chick-fil-A.  I saw this on the news and really had to laugh about it.  Does she really think that people give a shit if she supports anything?  Got news for you, sweetheart - you defending a company that wants to get rid of the gay community is really going to boost your ratings and popularity with those people and their supporters.  Wow, she really is incredibly stupid, isn't she?

Alright - I am going to end this blog with more of a promise to relax on the political front for awhile.  I have no problem complaining about things that annoy me, but even I have to stop talking about politics for the sake of my sanity.

The Reason I Loathe Kanye West and John Mayer

It is no secret that the thought of John Mayer and Kanye West makes me sick to my stomach.  These two individuals glorify everything that I can't stand about people.  One thinks it is okay to walk around in a green onesie and the other thinks that carving designs in his hair is still trendy.  Both of these people are arrogant and have little to no regard or respect for other people.

Yeah - I will never understand those glasses...

My hatred for Kanye West started long before his run-in with Taylor Swift, although that did cement my extreme dislike for his egotistical antics.  He hypes himself up way too much, yet doesn't deliver on it.  He is also a cry baby.  Who throws tantrums when they don't get their own way, aside from a child?  Exactly.  No self-respecting person does that.  Act your age and grow the hell up!  I have never, in my life, come across someone who has such an undeserving respect for himself than Kanye West does.  In his effort to climb to the top and be the best, he steps on everyone else around him.  He has absolutely no respect for other people.  It is either Kanye's way, or no way.  But, in all seriousness, the reason why I dislike him the most is because, in my opinion, he has zero talent.  I don't have much talent either.  But then again, I don't rap and think I am the most amazing person either, do I?

He also made a comment that he thinks the Bible should be revised because he believes he should be a character in it.  He says, "I bring up historical subjects in a way that makes kids want to learn about them. I'm an inspirational speaker."  He also comments, "I changed the sound of music more than one time... For all those reasons, I'd be a part of the Bible. I'm definitely in the history books already."  I mean, seriously?!  Are you freaking kidding me?  You are a rapper.  Explain to me, please, how you are considered to be a motivational speaker.  I mean, do you even understand what you say when you speak and how utterly ridiculous and asinine you sound?  And I would love to see what history book you are in.  You don't make history, my dear Kanye, you make music.  Bad music.

Kanye - showing that immaturity, disrespect, and
shitting on a teenager's success makes him awesome.

The Taylor Swift incident was by far the icing on the cake.  I don't even like Taylor Swift, and I agree that she shouldn't have won the award, but what nerve does he have for going up on stage and doing what he did?  I mean, you know that you screwed up when everyone is embarrassed for you.  And then, on top of that, his apology wasn't even legitimate.  It was forced.  People don't do things like that and then meaningfully apologize.  No, he was trying to save his reputation, which, by that point, had no chance of going back up (not like it was that high to begin with...).  He disgusts me.  Arrogance is a turn off, especially when someone has no reason to be arrogant.  You are done, Kanye.  If you want to be popular by stepping on the throats of everyone else, turn to politics.


Now let's talk about John Mayer.  If it is even possible, I despise him even more than Kanye West.  This is another individual who exudes arrogance.  His songs are lyrical nightmares.  I mean, take any song that he has ever done and read the lyrics.  Who comes up with this garbage?  His music and his personality do not mesh, as anyone might notice if they have ever listened to or read an interview with him.  He is the biggest douche bag when it comes to interviews.  You want to be famous?  Fine.  You think you have talent?  Fine.  Give a decent interview where you don't show your disdain for having to appeal to your fans.  You want a huge fan base, but you want to do nothing in order to earn it.  If you don't believe me, look at some of the shit that he has said: "My two biggest hits are 'Your Body Is a Wonderland' and 'Daughters.' If you think those songs are pandering, then you'll think I'm a douche bag. It's like I come on very strong. I am a very…I'm just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can't handle very, then I'm a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That's why black people love me."  Um...what does that even mean?  You are so wrapped up in yourself and how great you truly believe you are, that you don't make a damn lick of sense.  Even the interviewer had no freaking clue what he was talking about.  Are you on meth?



It get's better: "When I watch porn, if it’s not hot enough, I’ll make up backstories in my mind. My biggest dream is to write pornography."  I think this would be an absolutely perfect job for him.  Write porn, that way you won't write songs anymore.

Lastly, the worst thing I have ever read, "Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation... so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type... I'm like, 'hey girl, magenta!' and she's like, 'oh, you mean purple!' and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, 'no - I want magenta!'"  The dude is clearly stoned or drunk.  All the time.  What incoherent babble!  I had to read this three times, and I still have no clue what the f**k he is talking about!

Arrogance is one of my biggest pet peeves, especially when people have no reason to feel that they are so great.  Not one thing that either Kanye West or John Mayer has ever done explains why they think that they are the best at anything.  Neither one of them go out of their way to help people in need, or do anything that truly makes them great people.  No.  They sing/rap.  They write bad music.  They embarrass themselves every single time they open their mouths.  What role models!

Your Enemy in the Digital Age...

So I ordered pizza tonight, and I was really excited to sit on my bed, watch a movie, and get fat.  That is usually how I spend my Sunday night.  Actually - it is how I spend all my nights, but I digress.  I recorded Titanic awhile ago, and yes, I own it on DVD, Special Edition DVD, Widescreen Special Edition VHS, and Full Screen Special Edition VHS.  However, I always like to record it while it is on.  It gives me something to do for over 3 hours, and I don't have to stop eating to hit play on my DVR (whereas going to the living room, getting the movie, and putting it in would be way too much exercise).

So I am getting into the movie, realizing for the hundredth time that the acting really is quite bad, but still enjoying my guilty pleasure, when all of a sudden my screen starts to pixelate.  Then I lose the sound, and my screen turns black.  The entire movie was completely ruined.  So, I had to delete the movie off of my DVR, which I couldn't do, because my entire DVR box froze the minute I tried.  And this was all thanks to Cox Communications.

I have had Cox Communications for a really long time and haven't really had problems with their service until recently.  Ever since I switched to an HD DVR box, it has been complete and total hell.  I know many of you have Cox, but I am sure a lot of you do not.  Their service areas are as spotty as their customer service skills.  The problems with them started when I first got my HD television.  I immediately called them to get an HD DVR box.  Seems simple enough, right?  Wrong.  They came out, gave me the box, and left.  No component cables, no HDMI cable, not even batteries for the damn remote.  Fine, no problem.  I bought them myself.  Ever since that day, the pixelation and sound distortion started.  I have called numerous times complaining about it, and I always get the same response: "Really?  Nobody else has reported this problem..."  Are you kidding me?  I can name ten people off the top of my head who have this problem and who have called in.  I can also point you to a website that does nothing but complain about Cox and the problems you claim to not know about.  Further, I have called about this problem many, many times.  So, clearly, it has been reported!  The lady I spoke to said she would reboot my cable signal.  That worked for about 10 seconds.  So, I called back, even more mad than before.

After talking to an automated robot (because, you know, they are SO helpful in calming down someone who is incredibly irritated and pissed off), I screamed for a representative.  To which, the automated robot said something about "billing and payment menu."  Apparently my loud, high-pitched hissy fit sounded like I wanted to pay my bill.  After speaking calmly, and talking down to the robot like she was stupid, I finally got a hold of someone.  He said he would send out a technician.  To make an incredibly long (like 2-years long) story short, I have now had 3 technicians come to the house, claiming nothing is wrong.  I have also received a new DVR box which is worse than the first one.  I still have horrible pixelation and sound distortion, yet I am paying well over $180 a month.

I think my biggest gripe about Cox, aside from the crap customer service, is their incessant need not to produce quality products or deliver quality television service.  Why go into business providing so many promises but absolutely no actions?  I know why - it is because of the lack of options out there.  They know they are the biggest, so they think they are the best.  And with that mentality, they could care less about the service they provide.  Why have a great television with all of these amazing bells and whistles if I can't even enjoy a simple HD movie on an HD channel from my cable provider?  Why do I waste my hard-earned, or even my not so hard-earned, money on a company who could give two shits about the quality of their service?  Do any of my Vegas people have similar issues?  If so, can you point me in another direction for a better company?  I have as much dislike for Cox as I do for Kanye West (that will be my next blog, folks).

If I don't switch, quick, I am going to end up taking my DVR box back to Cox and using it as a soapbox while I gather the masses and preach on about the hazards of choosing Cox for their phone, Internet, and TV service!  I will preach on, my brothers and sisters, about the pointlessness of speaking to a robot on the phone to fix my issues!  I will preach on, ladies and gentlemen about the anguish I feel in my heart because I can't watch a 15-year-old movie on my DVR because I am too lazy to walk to the living room!  Can I get an AMEN?!

Uneducated Politics

There is nothing I hate more than discussing politics with people.  Why?  Because I find so little people intelligent enough to hold a rational conversation where all views are respected and considered.  If you are against something, you are automatically considered to be a liberal.  If you hate taxes, you are automatically conservative.  Name calling and disrespectful comments turn politics into a migraine headache.  The purpose of my blog today is to explain my thoughts and feelings on politics.

Today I was told that I was un-American.  In a nutshell, I was called this because I made a mention that a group on Facebook twisted opinions into unrealistic facts.  I had a problem with it, so I made a comment.  Man, did I get attacked for that!  I was called a "liberal" and "un-American" because I chose to stand up for something that I felt was wrong.  I am sorry, but if you call your Facebook fan page one thing and talk about something completely unrelated just to start fights and fuel unnecessary name-calling, your page loses credibility and respect.  Hiding behind being American, and then posting your negative, uneducated opinions and comments on what you think our president is doing, clearly pushes your own agenda and is not respectful to the amount of diverse opinions and beliefs in this country.

First of all, I do not consider myself to be liberal.  Sure, I do have liberal views on some issues, but I also hold very conservative issues on others.  Although this is my blog, I do not feel the need to express those liberal and conservative issues.  My beliefs are my beliefs, and although I can be vocal on certain aspects, and I may have not always been respectful of other opinions, I have since changed my views and feel that everyone is entitled to their opinion, whether or not I agree with it.  However, progress is seriously inhibited when petty disagreements (based on uneducated opinions and not facts) are constantly thrown in everyone's face. 

Our goal as Americans should be to unite as a people and make our country the best.  How is this ever going to happen when all we do is tear people down whenever someone has an opinion they do not agree with?  What ever happened to having a diplomatic conversation?  What ever happened to acceptance and tolerance for the greater good?  Whatever happened to thinking about other people, instead of thinking that the government/country owes you something?  People in this day and age are more worried about complaining about something they do not agree with (or understand), rather than seeing the positive benefits of that same thing helping millions of other people.  We no longer seem to be the United States.  We are not united anymore.  People are too worried about themselves to see the positive for anyone else.

I am not saying that people should not voice their concerns or their opinions.  I am very opposed to that, because when opinions are not voiced - progress isn't made either.  But there should be a correct, educated way to voice opinions and concerns.  Hate-filled speech, ridiculous name-calling, and twisting facts is not the way to voice an opinion.  Also, hiding behind religion to fuel hate, anger, and fear towards a person or group of people is not right either.  People need to be responsible for themselves and stop using religion to further their own agendas.  Your interpretation of what your religion says about other people should not necessitate that laws should be made to prohibit something.  We are supposed to live in a country where there is a separation of church and state, yet religion and religious beliefs are behind so many people's hate towards other people. That hate does nothing but spawn nasty politicians and fuel laws that trample on someone's right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  But, it is alright because your religion says it is OK?

People are always going to take issue with who runs our country.  It is easier to make that person a scapegoat rather than listen to what this person has to say and think about how this person is trying to make our country better for everyone.  If you don't like what our elected leaders are doing, instead of complaining, run for president!  Not that easy?  Of course it isn't - neither is being president.

I think that I have been very diplomatic in my blog, up until now.  My thoughts are this, and I feel that the solution to the problem of people who do nothing but complain about our president, our country, or our people is simply this:   If you don't like it, then get the hell out.

I am not looking to start a debate among my friends or my viewers, rather I am trying to explain my stance on politics.  I am not bashing any sides, nor am I bashing religion, as I respect the fact that everyone has their own views.  If you do choose to comment, I ask that you be respectful with your replies, as I will not tolerate personal attacks regarding my views.  And please, always remember, be educated about any topic before you criticize or approve of it.

The Perks of Being a Water Traveler

Nothing excites me more than being able to go on a cruise ship.  I know that for however long I am on a ship, I haven't a care in the world.  The most important decision that I have to make during my nights is which entrée I am going to eat at dinner.  Cruising has become the preferred way of travel for me.  It is cheaper than a comparable land vacation, you get to explore exotic ports and destinations, and there is so much to do while on board!  True, cruising is not for everyone, but it is often an overlooked choice for a great family vacation.  In this blog, I will highlight the ships I have been on and my upcoming cruises.  I will also answer questions I received and give you some more information regarding my favorite cruise line, Carnival.

The Carnival Elation - My 1st Cruise

I have been on six cruises since 2002.  My first cruise was on the Elation with my grandparents.  We did a 7-day Mexican Riviera itinerary which made stops in Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan, and Cabo San Lucas.  My next cruise was on the Carnival Pride which had the same itinerary.  Actually, all of my first six cruises were to the Mexican Riviera.  I am not the person who chooses a cruise based on the ports.  I go because of the ship.  I enjoy spending time on the ships and find the decor in all of them to be incredibly unique.  Cruises to the Mexican Riviera go out of Los Angeles (Long Beach or San Pedro), which make for a very cost-effective vacation.  Back when cruises frequently traveled the western coast of Mexico, cruises were relatively cheap.  A quick four hour drive made getting to the pier and back affordable.  Now, very few ships go to that side of Mexico.  

The Carnival Pride - My 2nd Cruise

My next seven cruises (which are all already booked) are a little different.  I chose to branch out of the typical Mexican ports and try the Caribbean (Carnival Breeze, Carnival Freedom), Canada/New England (Carnival Glory), and Alaska (Carnival Miracle).  I still have 3 short cruises that will make stops in Ensenada and Catalina Island (on board the Carnival Inspiration), but those were booked in order for me to reach Platinum status with Carnival.  All that means is that I have sailed 10 times with the company, allowing me to earn special benefits like priority boarding, priority debarkation, laundry services, special cocktail parties, etc.  They have changed the loyalty program as of this year, so I just barely got grandfathered in!

The Carnival Spirit - My 3rd and 6th Cruise

I received some good questions regarding cruising (and a few bizarre ones, lol) which I will address now.  Aly asked me about gratuities and when you pay for them.  Very good question!  Carnival charges gratuities in the amount of $11.50 per person, per day.  You are at complete discretion to adjust these tips up and down, but this is the standard.  Your money goes to paying the room stewards, your dining room staff, and alternative services (entertainment, kitchen, guest services).

The Carnival Splendor - My 4th and 5th Cruise

Typically, the full amount is billed to your room on the second or third night of the cruise (for 7-day sailings).  While on board, you have a Sail and Sign card.  Money is not used on the ship (with the exception of gambling).  Everything on board is paid for using your Sail and Sign card.  At the end of that cruise, you get a bill in your stateroom.  Your credit card, debit card, or cash deposit will automatically be charged the amount owed on your bill.  Your Sail and Sign card also serves as your room key, player's card, and your way of boarding and debarking the ship.

Another question was from Cindy regarding drink prices.  Yes, alcohol is expensive.  Mixed drinks usually run 7-10 dollars.  Beers are around the same price, as are shots.  A 15% gratuity is charged to ALL drinks.  This is not negotiable.  This is not unreasonable for someone who likes to have a few drinks.  If you are a bigger drinker, they do have beer packages and wine packages that are affordable.  For more information regarding Carnival’s alcohol prices, click here: http://bit.ly/ORmEbc.  This is the most up-to-date pricing on mixed drinks, hard liquor, beer, and package deals.  Also something to take note of, soft drinks are not free.  You pay for soft drinks at any of the bars/lounges and you still pay a 15% gratuity on them.  However, they do have soft drink packages that, if you drink a lot of soda, are an excellent value.  Free drinks on Carnival include lemonade, iced tea, coffee, hot tea, hot chocolate, milk, and fruit juices for breakfast.  If you are not so keen on the idea of paying for soft drinks or wine, you are able to bring a small amount of soft drinks and bottled water on board.  You can pack them in your suitcase/carry-on bag.  You are also allowed to bring one 750mL bottle of champagne or wine, per person, on board.

 

Tina asked about the odds of a whale blowing its blowhole under the cruise ship and tipping it over.  This is not likely.  The cruise ships are bigger than most whales and it would take much, much more than a blowhole to flip the ship over.  Will you see whales and dolphins?  More than likely.  While you can see them from the ships decks, they do not come nearly as close as you may think.  The moving ship and spinning propeller blades keep the animals far away.  Aside from that, the cruise ships weigh anywhere from 70,000 to 130,000 tons.

Amie asked me a very good question.  Her inquiry was how do I pay for all these cruises?  Is selling meth that lucrative?  Well, clearly, if it wasn’t lucrative people wouldn’t do it.  I don’t sell meth.  At least, that is the story I am sticking to.  This question actually leads me into my next point - the price of a cruise based on a comparable land vacation.  Carnival cruises are not expensive.  If you book them early enough you only have to hold your reservation with a deposit.  The amount of the deposit depends on the length of your cruise.  A deposit for a 3-day cruise would cost $100 and a 7-day cruise would cost $250.  Your final payment is due roughly 60-70 days before you sail (depending on cruise length).  If you were to book a cruise a year in advance, like I normally do, putting aside $50 to $100 a month will end up paying for that cruise.  Carnival also offers air packages.  Their air packages are normally more expensive than booking by yourself, but it offers you peace of mind, and if you are lucky, an incredible bonus.  Let me explain.  When you book air through Carnival, they take care of everything.  They pick you up at the airport and take you to the pier for no extra charge.  If you live on the west coast and book an east coast cruise, you get a really great bonus.  Carnival will fly you out the day before and put you up in a 5-star hotel for no extra cost to you.  They will still pick you up from the airport and take you to the pier, but they also take you to your hotel room (again, for no extra charge).

Warm chocolate melting cake, a Carnival favorite!

But let’s get back to the price of a cruise compared to a land vacation.  Cruise prices vary depending on your type of stateroom, time of a year, and where you want to go.  Summer, spring break, and cruises that fall over a holiday are more expensive.  Normally (and I say normally, as there are exceptions), cruises for one are under $1000 per person.  Again, this may be higher or lower depending on the type of stateroom you want.  If you think that is expensive, consider what you get for that price: gourmet meals (every cruise has lobster, prime rib, and steak), 24-hour room service, 24-hour pizza, late night snacks, daily buffets, all entertainment, youth programs for the kids, 2-5 different ports of call, your room for the entire trip, gym, nightclubs, water park, tax-free shopping, etc.  When you compare all of that to a normal vacation, the amount of money you actually save is staggering!  For more information, including a side-by-side comparison, click here: http://bit.ly/NinA0S.

Lobster and shrimp!

Now, let’s talk about the staterooms.  Where you choose to be on the ship is up to you.  So are your accommodations.  Want to be near an elevator?  No problem.  Want to be closer to the dining room?  No problem.  Do you want to overlook the back of the ship in your own private balcony?  No problem!  It all depends on what interests you!  Interior rooms are the cheapest, mainly because they have no windows.  You can score some excellent deals with an interior room.  Want some light but still don’t want to pay for a higher category room?  Book an interior porthole room.  It is the same price as a normal interior room but include two porthole windows.  Buyers beware, though.  These rooms are located at the front of the ship.  If you easily get sea sick, you may feel the rocking of the boat.

Most people book oceanview or balcony staterooms.  Oceanview staterooms feature a large picture window.  Balcony staterooms include your own private balcony.  I book balconies as often as I can.  It is amazing being able to have your morning coffee brought to you while enjoying the sunrise from your balcony. 

Interior Room

Oceanview Room

There are also suites, but they are pricy.  I have never booked a suite but understand that you can get good deals.  Often times, suites that are not sold are offered to currently booked guests for much cheaper than they normally run.  I have included pictures of all stateroom categories (above and below).  These rooms are on the new Carnival Breeze.  Older ships differ in color schemes, but all rooms are about 186 square feet.  All rooms come with two twin beds (that convert to a king), a sofa or chair, vanity table, tv, telephone, bathroom with shower, 3 closets, bathrobes to use during your cruise, and much more!

Balcony Room

Grand Suite

Lastly, let's talk about ship size.  Cruise lines now are trying to build ships bigger and better.  You may think that having thousands of people on board would make it seem crowded.  In actuality, this is the opposite.  With everyone doing their own thing, the flow of the ship (aside from the buffets) are normally not crowded.  Still, many people don't like other people.  You may want to be on a smaller, older ship.  For people who don't mind other people too much, you would be better on a newer, medium-sized ship.  For those of you who don't care about people, because you are normally the loudest and drunkest anyway, you may like the newest and larger ships.  Carnival does not really tell you what is what, so I will do that for you.  I have listed below the different classes of ships, and what ships are under each class, as well as each homeport (where you catch the cruise).  This may be beneficial to you when doing your research on what cruise to take:

Smallest Ships - Fantasy Class (No balconies on these ships, except for suites):

Carnival Fantasy - Charleston, SC

Carnival Ecstacy - Port Canaveral, FL

Carnival Elation - New Orleans, CA

Carnival Inspiration, Long Beach, CA

Carnival Imagination - Miami, FL

Carnival Sensation - Port Canaveral, FL

Carnival Fascination - Jacksonville, FL

Carnival Paradise - Tampa, FL

Medium Ships - Destiny, Triumph, and Spirit Class

Carnival Destiny (Soon to be remodeled and renamed the Carnival Sunshine) - Miami, FL

Carnival Triumph - Galveston, TX

Carnival Victory - San Juan, Puerto Rico (through Feb. 2013) and then Miami, FL (after Feb. 2013)

Carnival Spirit - Seattle, WA (through Oct. 2012) and then Sydney, Australia (after Oct. 2012)

Carnival Pride - Baltimore, MA

Carnival Legend - Tampa, FL (through Apr. 2013) and then England, Italy, and Spain (after Apr. 2013)

Carnival Miracle - New York, NY (through Mar. 2013) and then Los Angeles, CA and San Diego, CA (winter months); Seattle, WA (summer months)

Largest Ships - Conquest, Splendor, and Dream Class

Carnival Conquest - New Orleans, LA

Carnival Glory - Miami, FL; Boston, MA; and New York, NY

Carnival Valor - Miami, FL (through Feb. 2013) and then San Juan, Puerto Rico (after Feb. 2013)

Carnival Liberty - Miami, FL

Carnival Freedom - Fort Lauderdale, FL

Carnival Splendor - Los Angeles, CA (through Feb. 2013) then New York, NY (after Feb. 2013)

Carnival Dream - Port Canaveral, FL

Carnival Magic - Galveston, TX

Carnival Breeze - Miami, FL

The Carnival Breeze

I know that I have covered a lot in this blog, and I know that there is still plenty that I have not covered.  If you have any more questions, please feel free to contact me by leaving me a comment or hitting me up on Facebook.  You can also check out the Carnival website at www.carnival.com and look at their FAQ section.  I leave you now with some pictures of the Carnival Breeze.  I am going on this cruise over spring break of 2013 and paid only $729 per person for a cove balcony stateroom.  Not bad for a brand new ship boasting some of the most unique amenities at sea!

The Breeze Atrium

The Lido Deck Buffet

Ocean Plaza

Carnival Water Works

Sapphire Dining Room

Elevator Etiquette and Wynn Buffet Review

Nothing pisses me off more than rude elevator etiquette.  Three times today I encountered people who don't have any common sense when it comes to how to ride an elevator.  Upon arrival of the elevator, for which you have pushed the button 27 times because you don't think it registered the first time, you wait for the people to get off before you get on.  Do you think it is right to crowd the elevator and make us ride back up with you so you can get to your car?  No, of course not.  I actually had a person today go to get on (while we were still on), realize I was there, and give me the "go ahead" hand gesture.  Gee, thank you so much for allowing me to get off the elevator, asshole.  Another thing that infuriates me is when people stand guard of the elevator before it even arrives for them to get on.  Imagine my surprise (and horror) when the door opens and your hot, stank breath greets my face.  I think next time I ride an elevator, the minute those doors open, I am going to run out, hands out in front of me, screaming.  If that doesn't get the message across, I don't know what will.

The Wynn buffet.  Nice decor, stubborn candy apples.

Putting the elevator-induced turmoil aside, I have a review of the Wynn buffet to get on with.  I enjoy going to buffets.  Not because the food is tasty, but because I can eat all the shit I want for like 5 bucks.  And when you are fat like me, and require a pitchfork instead of a normal fork, 5 bucks for crap food works.  The Wynn buffet is pricy.  Apparently $36.99 per person is reasonable to some people.  Fine.  Whatever.  I am assuming the food is going to be delicious, possibly even gourmet in a sense.

The food, actually, wasn't terrible...at least, not all of it.  Most of it was edible, which is always a plus when you are eating.  There were two things that really annoyed me.  One.  The salad bar consisted of leaves they call lettuce, their toppings consisted of celery and carrots, and their dressing choices were thousand island, Caesar, and Italian.  Really?  I can get a better selection of salad ingredients from a bag of Dole salad mix, and I would have saved 33 bucks.  Two.  Their candy apples.  "Candy apples," you say, "what fun!"  No.  Not fun at all.  I literally had to smash the apple on the plate to be able to actually eat the apple.  And even then, I think I cracked a tooth.  I tried a knife and almost sent the apple flying across the room.  I even forked it (heh).  Why on earth would you have food that you can't eat without the use of a jackhammer?  If I wanted to work for my food, I would have been a hunter.

I like fancy food, but this was a little over the top.  Other than a few items, I found nothing really unique that justified the almost $40 per person price tag.  My suggestion would be to spend 5 bucks at a shitty buffet and give me the other $35.  You will be in the bathroom for the rest of the night, but at least your tummy will be full...and your teeth intact.

On a side note, a huge thank you to my friend Rebecca for this cute tag!  Thanks again, Becca!

Raised Smart

And sadly, often times they do not.

People tell me that I am mean and all I like to do is make fun of people.  Although I am not denying this, I feel that I should explain why I am the way I am.  First of all, I was raised smart.  I was raised to use my brain, succeed in school, and always do my best.  So, I did.  I self-taught myself not to like stupid people.  People who can't use their brains, can't spell, or can't carry on a coherent conversation have no place in my life.  Well, that last part isn't entirely true.  Many are on my Facebook page, and every time they post, it gives me something new to bitch about to my friends.

I don't really consider my self an elitist, nor do I think I am better than anyone.  I just know how to speak and spell.  I can't help it if society dictates that I am now smarter than you.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I am not perfect.  I make mistakes, but I am smart enough to fix those mistakes and admit when I am wrong.  Sadly, the world that we live in now embraces morons.  Morons used to be the minority, but, like a deadly plague, have consumed all natural resources and have bred like rabbits.

The generation we live in is becoming more dumb every day.  There is no longer enough value placed on people who can function on their own.  We live in scary times, people.  Just think - that person who flips burgers now will be qualified to operate on you in about 10-15 years.  Good luck!

My Own Reality Show?

With the invention of reality TV, I have often pondered on how amazing it would be to have my own.  If the Kardashians can woo the crowd with their big boobs, big asses, and tight clothes - imagine me doing the exact same.  Who wouldn't want to see that shit on prime time television?  Normal people are overlooked for reality shows, when in actuality, they are the ones who are living the real life.  How about doing a reality show where the stars are real people?

So, I would like to volunteer to do my own reality show.  I will be as real as you can get.  I will even walk around the house in my underwear.  I don't really do that now, but imagine the ratings!  I could become so popular that I could get my own recording contract...like every person on the Real Housewives shows.  OR - better yet, I could release a sex tape and be launched to stardom that way.  At least if I had a sex tape, I would get the lighting right.  Seriously, why make a sex tape if you can't even see what is going on?  And I would use props and costumes.  I could get an Academy Award for that shit!  I would even consider releasing the soundtrack.


So if you know someone who wants to do a reality show based on a real person, let me know.  I can flip tables, cry on cue, and pretend like I am high if that's what it takes.  I can act fake in order to do a show about real people.  Bring it!