The Perks of Being a Water Traveler

Nothing excites me more than being able to go on a cruise ship.  I know that for however long I am on a ship, I haven't a care in the world.  The most important decision that I have to make during my nights is which entrée I am going to eat at dinner.  Cruising has become the preferred way of travel for me.  It is cheaper than a comparable land vacation, you get to explore exotic ports and destinations, and there is so much to do while on board!  True, cruising is not for everyone, but it is often an overlooked choice for a great family vacation.  In this blog, I will highlight the ships I have been on and my upcoming cruises.  I will also answer questions I received and give you some more information regarding my favorite cruise line, Carnival.

The Carnival Elation - My 1st Cruise

I have been on six cruises since 2002.  My first cruise was on the Elation with my grandparents.  We did a 7-day Mexican Riviera itinerary which made stops in Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan, and Cabo San Lucas.  My next cruise was on the Carnival Pride which had the same itinerary.  Actually, all of my first six cruises were to the Mexican Riviera.  I am not the person who chooses a cruise based on the ports.  I go because of the ship.  I enjoy spending time on the ships and find the decor in all of them to be incredibly unique.  Cruises to the Mexican Riviera go out of Los Angeles (Long Beach or San Pedro), which make for a very cost-effective vacation.  Back when cruises frequently traveled the western coast of Mexico, cruises were relatively cheap.  A quick four hour drive made getting to the pier and back affordable.  Now, very few ships go to that side of Mexico.  

The Carnival Pride - My 2nd Cruise

My next seven cruises (which are all already booked) are a little different.  I chose to branch out of the typical Mexican ports and try the Caribbean (Carnival Breeze, Carnival Freedom), Canada/New England (Carnival Glory), and Alaska (Carnival Miracle).  I still have 3 short cruises that will make stops in Ensenada and Catalina Island (on board the Carnival Inspiration), but those were booked in order for me to reach Platinum status with Carnival.  All that means is that I have sailed 10 times with the company, allowing me to earn special benefits like priority boarding, priority debarkation, laundry services, special cocktail parties, etc.  They have changed the loyalty program as of this year, so I just barely got grandfathered in!

The Carnival Spirit - My 3rd and 6th Cruise

I received some good questions regarding cruising (and a few bizarre ones, lol) which I will address now.  Aly asked me about gratuities and when you pay for them.  Very good question!  Carnival charges gratuities in the amount of $11.50 per person, per day.  You are at complete discretion to adjust these tips up and down, but this is the standard.  Your money goes to paying the room stewards, your dining room staff, and alternative services (entertainment, kitchen, guest services).

The Carnival Splendor - My 4th and 5th Cruise

Typically, the full amount is billed to your room on the second or third night of the cruise (for 7-day sailings).  While on board, you have a Sail and Sign card.  Money is not used on the ship (with the exception of gambling).  Everything on board is paid for using your Sail and Sign card.  At the end of that cruise, you get a bill in your stateroom.  Your credit card, debit card, or cash deposit will automatically be charged the amount owed on your bill.  Your Sail and Sign card also serves as your room key, player's card, and your way of boarding and debarking the ship.

Another question was from Cindy regarding drink prices.  Yes, alcohol is expensive.  Mixed drinks usually run 7-10 dollars.  Beers are around the same price, as are shots.  A 15% gratuity is charged to ALL drinks.  This is not negotiable.  This is not unreasonable for someone who likes to have a few drinks.  If you are a bigger drinker, they do have beer packages and wine packages that are affordable.  For more information regarding Carnival’s alcohol prices, click here: http://bit.ly/ORmEbc.  This is the most up-to-date pricing on mixed drinks, hard liquor, beer, and package deals.  Also something to take note of, soft drinks are not free.  You pay for soft drinks at any of the bars/lounges and you still pay a 15% gratuity on them.  However, they do have soft drink packages that, if you drink a lot of soda, are an excellent value.  Free drinks on Carnival include lemonade, iced tea, coffee, hot tea, hot chocolate, milk, and fruit juices for breakfast.  If you are not so keen on the idea of paying for soft drinks or wine, you are able to bring a small amount of soft drinks and bottled water on board.  You can pack them in your suitcase/carry-on bag.  You are also allowed to bring one 750mL bottle of champagne or wine, per person, on board.

 

Tina asked about the odds of a whale blowing its blowhole under the cruise ship and tipping it over.  This is not likely.  The cruise ships are bigger than most whales and it would take much, much more than a blowhole to flip the ship over.  Will you see whales and dolphins?  More than likely.  While you can see them from the ships decks, they do not come nearly as close as you may think.  The moving ship and spinning propeller blades keep the animals far away.  Aside from that, the cruise ships weigh anywhere from 70,000 to 130,000 tons.

Amie asked me a very good question.  Her inquiry was how do I pay for all these cruises?  Is selling meth that lucrative?  Well, clearly, if it wasn’t lucrative people wouldn’t do it.  I don’t sell meth.  At least, that is the story I am sticking to.  This question actually leads me into my next point - the price of a cruise based on a comparable land vacation.  Carnival cruises are not expensive.  If you book them early enough you only have to hold your reservation with a deposit.  The amount of the deposit depends on the length of your cruise.  A deposit for a 3-day cruise would cost $100 and a 7-day cruise would cost $250.  Your final payment is due roughly 60-70 days before you sail (depending on cruise length).  If you were to book a cruise a year in advance, like I normally do, putting aside $50 to $100 a month will end up paying for that cruise.  Carnival also offers air packages.  Their air packages are normally more expensive than booking by yourself, but it offers you peace of mind, and if you are lucky, an incredible bonus.  Let me explain.  When you book air through Carnival, they take care of everything.  They pick you up at the airport and take you to the pier for no extra charge.  If you live on the west coast and book an east coast cruise, you get a really great bonus.  Carnival will fly you out the day before and put you up in a 5-star hotel for no extra cost to you.  They will still pick you up from the airport and take you to the pier, but they also take you to your hotel room (again, for no extra charge).

Warm chocolate melting cake, a Carnival favorite!

But let’s get back to the price of a cruise compared to a land vacation.  Cruise prices vary depending on your type of stateroom, time of a year, and where you want to go.  Summer, spring break, and cruises that fall over a holiday are more expensive.  Normally (and I say normally, as there are exceptions), cruises for one are under $1000 per person.  Again, this may be higher or lower depending on the type of stateroom you want.  If you think that is expensive, consider what you get for that price: gourmet meals (every cruise has lobster, prime rib, and steak), 24-hour room service, 24-hour pizza, late night snacks, daily buffets, all entertainment, youth programs for the kids, 2-5 different ports of call, your room for the entire trip, gym, nightclubs, water park, tax-free shopping, etc.  When you compare all of that to a normal vacation, the amount of money you actually save is staggering!  For more information, including a side-by-side comparison, click here: http://bit.ly/NinA0S.

Lobster and shrimp!

Now, let’s talk about the staterooms.  Where you choose to be on the ship is up to you.  So are your accommodations.  Want to be near an elevator?  No problem.  Want to be closer to the dining room?  No problem.  Do you want to overlook the back of the ship in your own private balcony?  No problem!  It all depends on what interests you!  Interior rooms are the cheapest, mainly because they have no windows.  You can score some excellent deals with an interior room.  Want some light but still don’t want to pay for a higher category room?  Book an interior porthole room.  It is the same price as a normal interior room but include two porthole windows.  Buyers beware, though.  These rooms are located at the front of the ship.  If you easily get sea sick, you may feel the rocking of the boat.

Most people book oceanview or balcony staterooms.  Oceanview staterooms feature a large picture window.  Balcony staterooms include your own private balcony.  I book balconies as often as I can.  It is amazing being able to have your morning coffee brought to you while enjoying the sunrise from your balcony. 

Interior Room

Oceanview Room

There are also suites, but they are pricy.  I have never booked a suite but understand that you can get good deals.  Often times, suites that are not sold are offered to currently booked guests for much cheaper than they normally run.  I have included pictures of all stateroom categories (above and below).  These rooms are on the new Carnival Breeze.  Older ships differ in color schemes, but all rooms are about 186 square feet.  All rooms come with two twin beds (that convert to a king), a sofa or chair, vanity table, tv, telephone, bathroom with shower, 3 closets, bathrobes to use during your cruise, and much more!

Balcony Room

Grand Suite

Lastly, let's talk about ship size.  Cruise lines now are trying to build ships bigger and better.  You may think that having thousands of people on board would make it seem crowded.  In actuality, this is the opposite.  With everyone doing their own thing, the flow of the ship (aside from the buffets) are normally not crowded.  Still, many people don't like other people.  You may want to be on a smaller, older ship.  For people who don't mind other people too much, you would be better on a newer, medium-sized ship.  For those of you who don't care about people, because you are normally the loudest and drunkest anyway, you may like the newest and larger ships.  Carnival does not really tell you what is what, so I will do that for you.  I have listed below the different classes of ships, and what ships are under each class, as well as each homeport (where you catch the cruise).  This may be beneficial to you when doing your research on what cruise to take:

Smallest Ships - Fantasy Class (No balconies on these ships, except for suites):

Carnival Fantasy - Charleston, SC

Carnival Ecstacy - Port Canaveral, FL

Carnival Elation - New Orleans, CA

Carnival Inspiration, Long Beach, CA

Carnival Imagination - Miami, FL

Carnival Sensation - Port Canaveral, FL

Carnival Fascination - Jacksonville, FL

Carnival Paradise - Tampa, FL

Medium Ships - Destiny, Triumph, and Spirit Class

Carnival Destiny (Soon to be remodeled and renamed the Carnival Sunshine) - Miami, FL

Carnival Triumph - Galveston, TX

Carnival Victory - San Juan, Puerto Rico (through Feb. 2013) and then Miami, FL (after Feb. 2013)

Carnival Spirit - Seattle, WA (through Oct. 2012) and then Sydney, Australia (after Oct. 2012)

Carnival Pride - Baltimore, MA

Carnival Legend - Tampa, FL (through Apr. 2013) and then England, Italy, and Spain (after Apr. 2013)

Carnival Miracle - New York, NY (through Mar. 2013) and then Los Angeles, CA and San Diego, CA (winter months); Seattle, WA (summer months)

Largest Ships - Conquest, Splendor, and Dream Class

Carnival Conquest - New Orleans, LA

Carnival Glory - Miami, FL; Boston, MA; and New York, NY

Carnival Valor - Miami, FL (through Feb. 2013) and then San Juan, Puerto Rico (after Feb. 2013)

Carnival Liberty - Miami, FL

Carnival Freedom - Fort Lauderdale, FL

Carnival Splendor - Los Angeles, CA (through Feb. 2013) then New York, NY (after Feb. 2013)

Carnival Dream - Port Canaveral, FL

Carnival Magic - Galveston, TX

Carnival Breeze - Miami, FL

The Carnival Breeze

I know that I have covered a lot in this blog, and I know that there is still plenty that I have not covered.  If you have any more questions, please feel free to contact me by leaving me a comment or hitting me up on Facebook.  You can also check out the Carnival website at www.carnival.com and look at their FAQ section.  I leave you now with some pictures of the Carnival Breeze.  I am going on this cruise over spring break of 2013 and paid only $729 per person for a cove balcony stateroom.  Not bad for a brand new ship boasting some of the most unique amenities at sea!

The Breeze Atrium

The Lido Deck Buffet

Ocean Plaza

Carnival Water Works

Sapphire Dining Room

Elevator Etiquette and Wynn Buffet Review

Nothing pisses me off more than rude elevator etiquette.  Three times today I encountered people who don't have any common sense when it comes to how to ride an elevator.  Upon arrival of the elevator, for which you have pushed the button 27 times because you don't think it registered the first time, you wait for the people to get off before you get on.  Do you think it is right to crowd the elevator and make us ride back up with you so you can get to your car?  No, of course not.  I actually had a person today go to get on (while we were still on), realize I was there, and give me the "go ahead" hand gesture.  Gee, thank you so much for allowing me to get off the elevator, asshole.  Another thing that infuriates me is when people stand guard of the elevator before it even arrives for them to get on.  Imagine my surprise (and horror) when the door opens and your hot, stank breath greets my face.  I think next time I ride an elevator, the minute those doors open, I am going to run out, hands out in front of me, screaming.  If that doesn't get the message across, I don't know what will.

The Wynn buffet.  Nice decor, stubborn candy apples.

Putting the elevator-induced turmoil aside, I have a review of the Wynn buffet to get on with.  I enjoy going to buffets.  Not because the food is tasty, but because I can eat all the shit I want for like 5 bucks.  And when you are fat like me, and require a pitchfork instead of a normal fork, 5 bucks for crap food works.  The Wynn buffet is pricy.  Apparently $36.99 per person is reasonable to some people.  Fine.  Whatever.  I am assuming the food is going to be delicious, possibly even gourmet in a sense.

The food, actually, wasn't terrible...at least, not all of it.  Most of it was edible, which is always a plus when you are eating.  There were two things that really annoyed me.  One.  The salad bar consisted of leaves they call lettuce, their toppings consisted of celery and carrots, and their dressing choices were thousand island, Caesar, and Italian.  Really?  I can get a better selection of salad ingredients from a bag of Dole salad mix, and I would have saved 33 bucks.  Two.  Their candy apples.  "Candy apples," you say, "what fun!"  No.  Not fun at all.  I literally had to smash the apple on the plate to be able to actually eat the apple.  And even then, I think I cracked a tooth.  I tried a knife and almost sent the apple flying across the room.  I even forked it (heh).  Why on earth would you have food that you can't eat without the use of a jackhammer?  If I wanted to work for my food, I would have been a hunter.

I like fancy food, but this was a little over the top.  Other than a few items, I found nothing really unique that justified the almost $40 per person price tag.  My suggestion would be to spend 5 bucks at a shitty buffet and give me the other $35.  You will be in the bathroom for the rest of the night, but at least your tummy will be full...and your teeth intact.

On a side note, a huge thank you to my friend Rebecca for this cute tag!  Thanks again, Becca!

Raised Smart

And sadly, often times they do not.

People tell me that I am mean and all I like to do is make fun of people.  Although I am not denying this, I feel that I should explain why I am the way I am.  First of all, I was raised smart.  I was raised to use my brain, succeed in school, and always do my best.  So, I did.  I self-taught myself not to like stupid people.  People who can't use their brains, can't spell, or can't carry on a coherent conversation have no place in my life.  Well, that last part isn't entirely true.  Many are on my Facebook page, and every time they post, it gives me something new to bitch about to my friends.

I don't really consider my self an elitist, nor do I think I am better than anyone.  I just know how to speak and spell.  I can't help it if society dictates that I am now smarter than you.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I am not perfect.  I make mistakes, but I am smart enough to fix those mistakes and admit when I am wrong.  Sadly, the world that we live in now embraces morons.  Morons used to be the minority, but, like a deadly plague, have consumed all natural resources and have bred like rabbits.

The generation we live in is becoming more dumb every day.  There is no longer enough value placed on people who can function on their own.  We live in scary times, people.  Just think - that person who flips burgers now will be qualified to operate on you in about 10-15 years.  Good luck!

My Own Reality Show?

With the invention of reality TV, I have often pondered on how amazing it would be to have my own.  If the Kardashians can woo the crowd with their big boobs, big asses, and tight clothes - imagine me doing the exact same.  Who wouldn't want to see that shit on prime time television?  Normal people are overlooked for reality shows, when in actuality, they are the ones who are living the real life.  How about doing a reality show where the stars are real people?

So, I would like to volunteer to do my own reality show.  I will be as real as you can get.  I will even walk around the house in my underwear.  I don't really do that now, but imagine the ratings!  I could become so popular that I could get my own recording contract...like every person on the Real Housewives shows.  OR - better yet, I could release a sex tape and be launched to stardom that way.  At least if I had a sex tape, I would get the lighting right.  Seriously, why make a sex tape if you can't even see what is going on?  And I would use props and costumes.  I could get an Academy Award for that shit!  I would even consider releasing the soundtrack.


So if you know someone who wants to do a reality show based on a real person, let me know.  I can flip tables, cry on cue, and pretend like I am high if that's what it takes.  I can act fake in order to do a show about real people.  Bring it!

And So It Begins...

I have never been one for blogs, as I find them to be annoying.  But, since I am creating one, and it is now all about me, I think it is going to be a fun little project.  I don't really know what I am going to post.  Perhaps a hodgepodge of junk, like my Facebook statuses.  I guess we will see.  Many things piss me off in this world, so I am sure I will be ranting continuously about that, so that should be fun.  Hold tight, I will post as often as I can...or as soon as something pisses me off.